The wrapping on the box

It came to me today. Sitting with my boss having lunch. Are we really doing all we can? I realized I have been in a state of limbo lately, not sure why, but knowingly I had been in a stand still or a form of stagnation. I have been in a holding pattern.

It is not what I had expected after returning home from a week in Hawaii for the National Christian Surfers Leadership Conference. I was pumped! But something was wrong. Mentally I was ready to go, but spiritually there was healing that needed to be done. You see, Hawaii made me realize that I wasn't ready. Not ready for the position I thought I was ready for. It was made clear that if I am not knowing God myself and am not completely surrendering myself to His will, then I wasn't ready to be a leader for Him. I am a follower and a servant, yes. But a leader, no. In due time.

This last week I decided to stop leading bible studies in Salem for Christian Surfers. I need to devote time to God in prayer. I need to seek Him and make it a priority.

The death of a close co-worker has also opened my eyes to this. He was a prayer warrior and died praying on a mission trip in London. He was a model person, not only to the typical person, but he was beyond. He had an insight like no other. In a way, I believe he was given a higher discernment to know God's will and what he should say or do.

God has put situations in my path in these last few months that has shown me that I need to seek and follow and not lead, at least not for right now and possibly after I fast and pray about this. To lead others astray is death. And I feel that is what I was capable of doing. I feel as though I was the wrapping paper on the box or the present and it was all surface. It was all pretty and perfect on the outside, but a brown, plain, corregated, recycled paper box on the inside. That was empty.

Books, conversations, circumstances, surroundings... they were all pointing to this... and even writing this blog I am realizing how true this is.

Devote time to prayer... lots of time... I mean a lot. "Pray without ceasing." That means ALL the time. God will listen if you speak and ask Him to. And He will answer. In ways that would never be expected...