Two opposing prescriptions for happiness

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SELF-SAVING vs. SELF-GIVING prescriptions for happiness:

SELF-SAVING: “I will be happy when I can get others to love me the right way how I want to be loved.”
SELF-GIVING: “I will be happy as I learn to love others maturely.”

SELF-SAVING: “I will be happy when I accumulate enough things for my own self-enjoyment.”
SELF-GIVING: “I will be happy the more I use my things for the well-being of others.”

SELF-SAVING: “I will be happy when I get enough time for myself to do what I want to do.”
SELF-GIVING: “I will be happy as I learn how to use most of my time to serve other people.”

SELF-SAVING: “I will be happy when I get circumstances going my way.”
SELF-GIVING: “I will be happy as I love others regardless of my circumstances.”

RESULTS: Jesus promises that the SELF-SAVING life always results in emptiness for everyone who pursues it, while he promises that the SELF-GIVING life always results in true happiness for everyone who pursues it. Is this true? Look at our world today. Let's break down what SELF-SAVING and SELF-GIVING really means:

1. SELF-SAVING: Dissatisfaction. You may experience a temporary sense of happiness when you get some of the above—but it is fleeting—you need more next time to get the same lift, and it leads to long-term emptiness.
   
   SELF-GIVING: Increasing contentment with what you have in the above areas—because you know that’s not what makes your life full and meaningful anyway. You often experience short-term excitement from giving to others—and definitely experience a long-term deepening sense of satisfaction that you have helped others.
   
   
2. SELF-SAVING: Relational failure. When people try to build a relationship based on expecting the other person to love them the right way, relational problems are bound to follow: usually either breaking the relationship off to find someone else who loves you better, or negotiated selfishness and parallel lives.
   
   SELF-GIVING: Relational success. When even one person becomes committed to self-giving, it radically changes the dynamics. And when both people focus on how to give/serve (Rom. 12:10) rather than on expecting/demanding, the relationship ripens into something that, while not trouble-free, becomes more and more stable and enjoyable as the years go by.
   
   
3. SELF-SAVING: Emotional problems. Because your happiness depends on things you can’t control, this leads to a lot of anxiety about losing the things you have, lots of effort to control people and circumstances to get a sense of security, frustration and anger and bitterness when people disappoint you or block you from the things you want, increasingly chronic depression, etc.. And this gets worse as people get older.
   
   SELF-GIVING: Growing emotional health. Because we are fallen and a sinful race, none of us is ever completely free from emotional problems. But we do see people who truly sell out to this get substantially free from anxiety and need to control and bitterness and depression—progressively delivered from unhealthy self-centeredness to wholesome other-centeredness.
   

Read Isa. 58:9,10 as a picture of the self-giving life and its results. When you make happiness your goal, it eludes you. But when you turn away from this and make serving others your goal, happiness finds you.

The self-giving life requires access to God’s love

But how can this be? It is counter-intuitive and seems crazy for one simple reason: Who is going to take care of me? What’s going to prevent me from being used up? That’s a fair question, and this is why the self-giving way of life is crazy unless the God of the Bible exists—a personal God who loves you and who will take care of you and who can indwell you as an inexhaustible source of love to give to others.

See what Jesus “knew” that enabled him to wash his disciples’ feet (Jn. 13:3,4). He knew that he was secure in his Father’s love (destiny; ultimate authority), and on this basis he could focus on serving his disciples even when he was in great need himself. So it is with us—and this is why Jesus called the disciples to love one another “as I have loved you” (13:34). This means not only that he set an example for them, but that they could depend on his ongoing love for them. Through our relationship with Jesus, we can know that our destiny is secure (Rom. 8:1), that God’s sovereign and loving hand is on all of our circumstances (Rom. 8:28), and that nothing can separate us from his love (Rom. 8:37-39).

Read 1 Jn. 4:16-19. We are able to love others because God first loved us. As we come to understand and choose to believe the love that God has for us, we are perfected in loving others.

Even Matt. 16:25 presumes a love relationship with Jesus (“for me”).

So this is God’s wisdom—only the self-giving life brings true happiness, but you can live the self-giving life only when you have personal access to God’s love. And there is only one way to gain this access—through receiving Jesus Christ. This is what Jesus claims in this wonderful invitation (read Jn. 7:37,38). Have you made the decision to receive God’s love through Jesus Christ?